Talking about your salary in the workplace can be just as awkward, uncomfortable and scary as talking about sex in your relationship. "I'm not satisfied" is usually where it all begins and those words are difficult to hear. So, when do you broach the subject? How do you say everything you want to say, and still be heard without being misunderstood?
Why does it matter?
Think about the relationship between you and your partner: Things change over time; you grow; your body changes; you discover each other better. Therefore, you have to talk about sex whenever the need arises. Sex can't be something that is only discussed during pre-marital counseling or your first night.
Similarly, the conversation about your salary can't be confined to when you sign a contract or change jobs. Continuous salary discussions and negotiations are a part of a healthy work relationship.
Even so, the discussion is easier said than done. You need to be prepared.
Who even cares?
Talking to the right person is by far the most important thing to figure out first. In a relationship, you talk to your partner(s) about your unmet needs. Granted, you do this after chatting to a trusted friend or family member, and doing some research.
But, one of the biggest inner struggles you can have in the workplace, is: Who do you to talk to about your salary? Whose responsibility is it, to ensure that your needs are met? Is it
A. Your manager who can technically be a barrier to your success, or
B. The HR person who is paid to keep the cost to company low?
Whilst these roles exist to support you and your performance in the company that support does not always translate to you getting a pay raise. Added to that, all three of you are employed for at least one purpose - increasing the company's profits.
So, for as long as you're an employee, the only real person who cares about your compensation is You! Increasing your profits is Your problem. Making sure that your needs (aka expenses) are being met, is Your problem. Therefore, advocating for a deserving compensation, is Your problem.
And although some might not need to have this conversation at all, some of us do. We need advice on how to approach this sensitive subject.
How to have the "S" word conversation
Find the right person: Find someone trustworthy first to talk to about having the conversation. It could be your friend, or the HR person, or an external peer in a similar role with experience, or even a mentor. Getting the right advice will prepare you well for the conversation.
Understand your worth and value: It is important to advocate for your own needs and interests, and to understand your worth and value. This is where research helps. Basing your needs on facts, statistics, and achievements will get our further than instinct, Instagram and inflation.
Be confident: Don't be afraid to ask for what you want or negotiate for a fair salary. Speak up for yourself and be confident in expressing your needs, wants and opinions. That's why that initial conversation is great preparation.
Choose the right time: It may not be appropriate to bring up a sensitive topic in a public or high-stress environment. Sometimes because of the periods and cycles of the company there might not be much that your manager can do about your needs.
Be honest and open minded: Just like in a sexual relationship, clear communication is key in both discussing salaries and sex with a partner or manager. Be honest and open about your desires, expectations, and boundaries. But also, listen actively to your partner or manager and whatever feedback they have.
Things to consider
Okay, let's be realistic. You could tick those five points and things could still go wrong. So, there are a few things to keep in mind before, during and after the conversation.
The Outcome: Having the conversation doesn't always mean your needs will be met. But, openly discussing sex or salaries can lead to a better relationship and a more fulfilling job. Just like a lack of communication or mutual respect in a sexual relationship can lead to problems, a lack of transparency or fairness in salary discussions can result in dissatisfaction and mistrust.
The Preparation: This discussion requires preparation and planning in order to be productive and effective. This may include researching industry standards, discussing your own needs and goals, and anticipating potential roadblocks or objections.
The Roles: Just as power dynamics can play a role in sexual relationships, they can also play a role in salary negotiations, with one party having more power or leverage than the other.
So, if you really think about - the more awkward and uncomfortable it is to talk about the "S" word, the more unhealthy the relationship is.
Signed, your friend and chief relationship advisor
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